I feel human again.

I'm starting to write again and I'm beyond thrilled to begin writing a full length.

"Hope Will Mend My Bones"

I'm surrounded by people who refuse to change

But I know, I know I'm not afraid

And I see it in your face everyday

Repetition, you can't escape

I won't make the same, I won't make the same mistake

You say your life has been delayed

I have no choice, but to turn away

I know, I know we all grieve and ache

But at least I know one day, one day I'll be okay

I'll risk these days being alone

In this town that I've fully outgrown

All I've own is what I've known

Hope will mend my bones

"Untitled" (Still in progress...)

Well, I'm not at all surprised

By the weight on your mind

You couldn't keep yourself aligned

You've done more than cross your eyes

You became so fucking blind

By then I was indifferent

I took back my two cents

You've made a dent

That cannot mend

There are so many reasons why I can't wait to move out of this house.

The countdown begins: T-minus 105 days.

I marked a place worth going to. The coast is clear, an amazing view. We've got your luck to see us through.

Summer depression.

Apparently, I'm doing nothing with my life.

I think I only see my friends, the few that I have, about two to three times a month and when I do I feel fucking great. I really needed this past week.

I find it hard to believe that you're passionate about anything.

Save money.
Feel lonely.

I can't get over how amazing Friday was. I am so happy to be playing shows again.

I enjoy preparing/cooking food at work so I figured I might as well enjoy it when I'm home doing jackshit. Here's fried tofu and broccoli with soy sauce. The flour definitely added a nice touch and made it crispy. More pictures to come of meals that I try not to fuck up.

Winter 2012. Sayonara.

Each day that passes by, I'm given another reason to drop everything and leave New Jersey. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I have no choice.

You're never going to grow up, aren't you?

Seems like my life has been one big bad timing for me.

How do you expect to make someone else happy when you can't even make yourself happy?

My first entry...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

"I always give into one of these after a while.

Lets start with this...

This one's entitled "Out of Reach."

Verse

In and out!
I can't be satisfied more than one time.
Left or right?
Which direction will take me by surprise?
I'm okay, believe me, but when will I be happy?

Chorus

I wake up, I wake up, every morning wanting something out of reach.
Oh, oh, I think this time my dreams have gotten the best of me.

Verse

I admit, I run and I hide.
I play shy.
I make no attempt on what could be mine.

Pre-chorus

Every single time.
Please, don't waste your time.

Chorus

I wake up, I wake up, every morning wanting something out of reach.
Oh, oh, I think this time my dreams have gotten the best of me.

Bridge

I'd rather be alone in this because there won't be much that I'll miss.

Chorus

I wake up, I wake up, every morning wanting something out of reach.
Oh, oh, I think this time my dreams have gotten the best of me.

I feel like this needs more explanation. It's obvious, though, that I lose interest. Whether it comes to a relationship or a hobby...I just lose interest after a while. It's always been a problem of mine or is it really a problem? I'm not really sure. It is only in my dreams where I'm content with what I have and never want to let it go. In realization after waking up, I'm not happy with what I have. I always want more and can never find that "more" in someone. I believe I have once, but the timing and place were completely off. Anyway, I'm never taken by surprise. I don't expect much out of anything and I never make an effort. Yes, it makes me look like an asshole. I'm aware of that.

In conclusion, I just want a girl who can be inspiring, open-minded, unpredictable, witty, and just enough of a bitch. It's rare, though, so it seems. "

This upsets me so much.

Did I every mention how much I love change? Well, I do.

I love my new job and am totally okay with not having a social life because in the end, it'll all pay off. No pun intended.

I always need something to reassure myself that I am better off. Thanks.

"Adventurer

To dream that you are an adventurer, indicates that you are lacking adventure in your waking life. You need some excitement and variety. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are too absorbed with your ambition that you do not take the time to acknowledge those who have helped you along the way."

Only the first half makes sense to me.

my heart is pumping
for one reason.
maybe it's my imagination,
but it's true.
it's all in your hands.
i no longer
have this on my shoulders.

oh no,
it must be something i said.
love is another word for regret.
you know,
it must be part of my plan.
it's never too late to understand.

and i
wanted it to be
something more than
just another run-around for me.
and even though...
i'm glad that i'm finally free.
all that's left for my life
is now up to me.

and i
walk around for days
and i
only see you in my dreams.

wait for me like i've waited for you.

Destination: Redemption

I am stubborn, impatient, blunt, and a bitch. I've been screwed over by 98% of the people I've met. I know for a fact that I have every reason to be all these things that I've stated. I don't bother with things that aren't worth my time because I won't benefit from it. Am I an asshole? Maybe, but don't you get tired of not getting something in return after all that you've given?

Afraid of an airplane
of a car swerving in the lane
of the dark cloud too low
or being swept away by the undertow
of a building tumbling down,
of the train when it's underground
of the icy mountain roads we have to take to get to the show.

There's just a time when we must all let go of the breath that we hold

There's just a time when we must all let go of the breath that we hold, into the unkown we have to go..

Afraid when the phone rings, another breath of life has ceased
It seems it's just lost so easily
Afraid my heart, it beats too slow
or like a died and just didn't know
or of a fate I will have to choose
and I'm afraid of how much I love you...

There's just a time when we must all let go of the breath that we hold

There's just a time when we must all let go of the breath that we hold, into the unknown we have to go...

It's just now that I found a place where I can breathe...

This was the song that made me grow up and face my fears. It's been 4 years and not once, have I looked back.

A friend called me a pusher the other day and I automatically thought of...

At least he said that it rules and I like to believe so myself.

Fuck, yeah! It's been over a year since I've haven't eaten meat. Here's to more years.

I could care less for the majority of the people here. I can say that I've came across sincere people, though. Unfortunately, they're on the West Coast. I've always been on the wrong coast.

It upsets me thinking about how fucked up my family is and it is one of the reasons why I choose to not start a family of my own.

I'm sitting on a couch, thousands of miles away from home, contacting promoters left and right, and I thought to myself...this is what I want to do with my life. I never thought I'd be doing this yet this is what I've always wanted to do. Tour starts on Saturday and I can't even explain how excited I am to be given a chance to do this. I know this is only the beginning.