Minutes away, but miles apart...

Am I crossing the line?

Always...

You want to take it away from me?

"And to maintain, my integrity, in an age of compromise
never again to run and hide, but hold my ground and fight."

I've had this quote posted on my mirror for the past 5 years and I'll continue living by it.

+/- of 2009...

I know I'm missing a lot...

+ ESC playing first full band show
+ Playing at Warped Tour/Six Flags/Hot Topic
+ Meeting amazing people
+ Hating New Jersey more and more every day
+ Final/Reunion shows
+ Playing more shows in New York
+ Having a best friend
+ Going to Six Flags, having ice cream cake, and attending a show in Brooklyn for my birthday
+ Knowing who my true friends are
+ Practically going to a show(s) every week
+ Changing my major to Music Business
+ Being a Sumo Wrestler for Halloween and playing a Misfts cover set
+ Getting back into Basketball
+ Grease Trucks
+ Performing and being interviewed on WSOU twice
+ Booking shows as a promoter
+ Seeing Lemuria perform 3 times this year
+ Learning my first song on drums
+ Releasing my first full length CD for ESC

+/- My Grandmother passing away
+/- Work
+/- Relying on myself for the majority of the time

- My Aunt and Uncle fighting which leads to not being with the people I love during the Holidays
- Getting into first car accident
- People actually thinking they could take advantage of me
- Laryngitis
- Going to Alabama
- Not going to San Francisco
- Breaking my own rule
- Not getting to go apple picking/hay riding
- Girls

Even with the -, 2009 was great and I'm even more excited for 2010.
BRING IT ON.

It's time to party...

I can't get over how amazing this show was. I was stoked on getting there 20 minutes before AWK went on and leaving immediately after his set because the LI crowd was so fucking weird. I'm also stoked on Floorpunch's final NJ show being rescheduled. No fucking way was I driving my car, after I had just gotten it back on Friday from being in the shop, down to Edison. Yes, I have my car back! Finalllyyyy!

I'm not really sure why I'm still up after only getting 5 hours of sleep the previous night and then having to get to work at 9:30 AM.

OH, I also can't get over how much I hate girls.
I don't have time for drama.
Leave me the fuck alone.

What is this, some sort of dork outreach program?

I've been...

dancing like a fucking idiot.
yelling out the most obscene shit.
laughing/squealing uncontrollably.

I'd say I'm back to normal.

Repetition at its best...

Kristia likes ____. ____ likes Kristia too, but is dating ____. ____ leaves ____ to be with Kristia. Kristia and ____ are happy for a while. Eventually, Kristia gets bored of ____ and leaves ____ and then ends up liking ____.

Cycle repeats itself over and over again...

I've never met a lesbian that isn't/hasn't going/gone through this.
It is impossible to meet a girl that is completely single and doesn't have a crazy ex-partner.
I don't know what it's like to be in a normal relationship and I'd give anything to be in one that is.

I know that I don't hang around that many lesbians anymore because it's just gotten too much for me to handle. I don't talk to the same people that I used to a year ago and believe it is better this way. I just can't stand girls and the girls that I can, which is no more than 5, are the ones that I want in my life. Guys are so chill and don't give a fuck.

I no longer give a fuck.

I'll make myself a mystery so they don't know who to look for...

I remember having a conversation with a group of guys a couple years back and they asked me,

"How do you do it? How do you figure girls out?"

I replied back saying,

"You can't expect to have them all figured out. You just have to find that one person that is worth figuring out."

Just leave and wipe the burn from my eyes...

It felt weird walking into the house to see the Christmas decorations already set up. Why? Last year, we did without the decorations due to my Grandmother being in the hospital and the majority of our time was spent there. The house was empty and cold and lame to say that I was, too. It wasn't until that day when she came out of surgery that I broke down. I'll never forget that moment. I still get chills throughout my body whenever I think about it. I went to give her a hug and kiss goodbye and, even though she was all swollen and drugged up like no other, she gave me the most efficacious hug I've ever received and didn't want to let go of me. I choked up and had instantly burst out into tears when I got to my car. I don't know why I felt the need to write about this. I guess I've come to terms that it just won't be the same without her this Christmas.

You win, you lose. It's the same old news...

There was a time where I made all the time in the motherfucking world for others, but it was never appreciated. Now that I am busy and finally fucking happy, I look like an "asshole" because I won't make time for others.

Seriously, go eat a bag of dicks.

On a lighter note...

I've finally decided on what Jawbreaker songs I want to cover/record(Thanks to all the people on youtube that have messaged me and left comments on my videos and page.).

1. Shirt
2. Ache
3. Want
4. Unlisted Track
5. Condition Oakland
6. The Boat Dreams From The Hill
7. I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both
8. Ashtray Monument
9. Kiss The Bottle
10. Jet Black
11. Fine Day
12. Do You Still Hate Me?
13. You're The One I Want (JTB. Just for the hell of it.)

It'd be really sweet to press a CD, but then I'd have to actually pay the band and get a license to make this happen.

-___________-

Maybe, I'll just play a show and that's it.

My Felipe

Yeah, this sucks.

It's not too late to change what you've become...

The Holidays are going to suck this year.
I'm not suprised, though.
Every Holiday tends to get gradually worse.

You've been here forever, but you've never been found...

This album is currently getting me through the Fall.

This world is fucked, but I'm still looking up...

It's nice knowing that I have a lot to look forward to already for the New Year.
BRING IT ON.

I'll keep it with mine...

You will search, babe, at any cost.
But how long, babe, can you search for what's not lost?

But they can't laugh without a throat...

Will I ever find someone whom I can listen to Fleetwood Mac, Andrew W.K., Infest, and Rites of Spring on a regular basis with?

I doubt it.

My lungs are so numb from holding back...

I guess in my situation, most would be offended, but I find this to be so fucking hilarious. I literally sat in my car, for a good 5 minutes, and laughed uncontrollably. I'm sure the lady in the taco stand thought I was out of my mind, but I feel even more better and am over this. I suppose I needed to encounter something like that and I'm glad I did.

BTW, it was awesome getting to see forgetters:



I find myself attracted to someone whom I've recently met, but I don't know how to go about it. I tend to crush on cuties so I'll most likely forget about this in a week and crush over someone else.

Halloweeennnnn this weekend! I'm stoked on my Sumo Wrestler costume and playing a Misfits cover set at the practice space for a party we're throwing. Good timez.

Nothing will put out the flame that has left my soul to incinerate...

I hate saying this, but I don't have it in me to write another song. Though, I didn't think I could write 10 songs in less than a year.

This will be the final song to be put on the album...

"Another Growing Uncertainty"

Anxiety has taken over me
Every step I take is another growing uncertainty
A feeling left unbreakable has consumed in me
My suspensions have led me to the point where I'm at sea

The unexpected arose and caught me by surprise
Never have I ever experienced these damaging lies

Nothing will put out the flame
That has left my soul to incinerate
My ashes are scattered and blown away
Let the air capture what's left of me
As I fly freely through the sky
I'll finally know what it feels like to be alive

The unexpected arose and caught me by surprise
Never have I ever experienced these damaging lies

I look at her and I feel complete
Then I look beyond

I wrote this back in 2006 and was released on the Exit She Calls 2007 Demo when it was my acoustic side project. The band and I believe that more can be added to this song by Ethan producing it. We'll see!

Here's a track listing I've been working on:

1. Miscommunications
2. In This Moment
3. Out of Reach
4. Encount(her)
5. Another Growing Uncertainty
6. Deadline
7. Little Things
8. Friendshit
9. MTFU!
10. Destination: Redemption

I'm pretty confident in this, but I'm sure I'll change my mind once the other songs are finished recorded.

You don't know how bad I want the album to be called "Destination: Redemption," but everyone will think that we're ripping off of Mae's "Destination: Beauitful" album. Hopefully, I can come up with something soon.

The things that I can't say are all making me insane these days...

Am I curious, fed up, or just really desperate? I guess I'll find out eventually, that is, if it happens.

Oh, what I'd give to be embraced with your gift...

New lyrics. I've only got one more song to write!

Deadline

Every corner I’ve taken
Has led me to another dead-end
I can’t seem to find what lies ahead
And these streets are engraved in me again

Oh, what I’d give
To be embraced with your gift
Oh, what I’d give
To pick up the pieces and make sense of it

I’m easily frustrated
This is what I’ve always hated
I’ll make my way back
To a room that I hope keeps me intact
I’ll shut my eyes and rest
But will I wake up determined?

Oh, what I’d give
To be embraced with your gift
Oh, what I’d give
To pick up the pieces and make sense of it

This won’t make any sense
And I’m back to where I started
No conception leads me to no solution
I’ve unwilling made myself useless

Oh, what I’d give
To be embraced with your gift
Oh, what I’d give
To pick up the pieces and make sense of it

The season tends to do this to me...

I just want someone to cuddle with.
There has to be someone that wants to be held and I've extended my arms.
C'MON.

Anyway, I finished the lyrics...

"Destination: Redemption"

Verse 1
In time, did I realize
That I was my own misguide
I followed my heart and took the risk
And I suffered the consequence

Verse 2
"Lighten up!"
I told myself
"For once, you can call the shots."

Chorus
I've never felt more at ease
But where will this lead me?

Verse 3
My mind is clear
I've hung up my fears
To me, what is more important
Is not what happened
It won't be that
But, for now on, will only be the present

Chorus
I've never felt more at ease
But where will this lead me?

Bridge
One that gives will simply be given
I've made myself a new direction
Destination: Redemption

And still it's my wish under all logistics to be loved and understood...

I don't know why, but I had this sudden urge to play basketball once I had gotten home from work Today. I went to my car and realized that my basketball was still at the practice space. I couldn't find my air pump, also. So, that was a no go. I remembered that there were random bikes in my garage and, of course, the tires were flat. I still wanted to do something, too. I think it was the coffee that made me so jittery. I came to the conclusion that jogging was the only choice. I jogged around town for about two hours listening to Jawbreaker's Dear You and Unfun on my Ipod. These two albums just kept me going and not wanting to stop. It felt great to clear my mind and know I didn't give up on these goddamn hills. Fuck, these hills.

Anyway, I'm now here eating crackers with Milo and find it so amusing that he's been eating them piece by piece. Milo's my niece's boyfriend's dog that has been living with us due to her boyfriend's current residency not allowing dogs. He's an Akita/German Shepard mix and he's beautiful.



After the first day, I was hooked on this dog. My sister and nieces are barely home so I try to keep him company whenever I can because he's still a pup and needs the attention, ya know?

I've realized that I finally have friends that I can rely on and will go out of their way just as I would do the same. I've gone out of my way for so many others and in return, received nothing. You think by doing this, it'd show them how easy it could be just to give back. It's only shown me how selfish one can be and think it's okay to take advantage of another. It's always been so hard for me to trust people and it still is. I'm working on it and the friends I have now are truly helping.

Thanks to my friends, family, and music, I'm becoming the person I want to be.

Post worthy...

"I'll give ya the quick run down. basically i started the label to give my band some clout. but as everyone knows, you can't get "clout" being the only band on a label. so, i got friends bands to join up and instead of just putting out a cd on their own, they slapped the label name on it and went about biz as if they were signed. I have the website (which needs an update) so when people come to see your "label" they see what looks like any other label. I get a lot of requests for promo and send stuff all over the place. all i ask for is a box of cd's to sell on the site to help cover shipping and web costs. the rest of what i do is simply to help people i know get the respect they deserve. I think it sucks that a band is not viewed as "legit" if they're not on a label. I mean shit, your not worthy of better shows because some fucking label didn't give you the stamp of approval?
hopefully being on scorpion gets you some interest from other labels. Honestly, as much as i bitch about the process, it is much easier to function with label backing.
You can take it as far as you want to go. as you saw with FES and ISO, i worked my ass off and did a lot of great stuff. if you press 1000 cd's, get a list of radio stations and send them to everyone. every show you go to, put 1 in the hand of the promoter and sound guy. you have a label name on your cd and suddenly your taken more seriously.
if your interested in something like this, let me know. I don't tell you how or what to do, all i try and do is help."

This is beyond fucking awesome!
Scorpion Records has had 25 Ta Life, In Search Of, One Win Choice, Colin of Arabia, The Blackout, and other bands on the label.
I'm so fucking excited to, soon, be a part of a label that I grew up supporting in the NJ Hardcore scene.
Also, it's time that my band gets the respect that we deserve.

But now that you've moved along I guess I'm next on line...

It's incredible how relieved one can feel after venting.
I feel great.

I wrote a new song and I absolutely love the song structure of it.
Intro/Verse/Intro/Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Bridge/Outro
I'm such a loser.

Slingshot Dakota Tomorrow!
Work and maybe Algernon on Saturday.
Kayaking on Sunday...FINALLY!

It seems like I only live for the weekends, but then again, so does everyone else.
Right?

Won't let the world weigh me down 'cause I'm coming alive!

Carlos and I formed a Melodic Hardcore(Kid Dynamite, Lifetime, Old Saves The Day, etc) band and I recorded three songs in less than 24 hours. First band practice on Sunday! Yeah, this shit is going to rule.
Just sayin'.

I'm seeing Lemuria later on Today!

I won't apologize for acting outta line...

I don't care if I'm an asshole for speaking my mind.
I'm tired of others taking me for granted.
I've been making changes for myself and it'll only continue.
Seriously, go fuck yourself if you plan on getting in my way.

This is torture. It's fucking horrible.

I barely knew the girl, but I wanted to show her the world.

When is enough, enough?

I know I'm not perfect, but why is it that every girl I meet is either a fucking liar, oblivious, insane and/or selfish?
This just isn't worth it.

I get so tired of waiting...

Wanting to understand
To understand a hand that's not my hand
In a moment to be defined
All clear lines of all that, that could mean
And I'm wanting eyes
That won't justify or despise all they see
and a silence inside
To help me decide and hide in me
But oh,
I get so tired of waiting
I get so tired of waiting
I get so tired of waiting
When these skies won't fall
Wanting a chance
Just a chance that cannot be missed
Because in seconds that pass
Never there, it's just another kiss
And I'm wanting a heart
And hearts that won't just beat on their own
Because every beat without purpose or thought
You know..
Makes me feel more alone

And I'm so tired of waiting
I get so tired of waiting
Waiting
When the skies won't fall

I hate that I can relate to this so much.
I guess I have no choice, but to learn how to be patient.

Anyway, school starts next Thursday.
I'm realllyyyyyy glad that three out of four of the classes that I'm taking are music classes which means I'll get by just fine.
I'll be pretty much working full-time, also.
I really don't mind either.
I've gotta stay focused on what's important; school, work, and music.

You're the cookie and I'm the crumb.

I'd give anything to make someone, who is worth it, happy.

We stain these dead hands with ink because they won't make a fist.

My stomach usually tells me when something does not feel right. I swear it's not the gas that's being developed in my stomach after the food I intake.

And I miss you, I miss you every single day.

I woke up this morning realizing that it's been 6 months since my Grandmother passed away and it's weird because at times I still feel like she's around. I miss her incredibly.

I got to you, there was nothing left.

We're never on the same page.
You're always stuck in some other chapter.
It is no surprise to me and there's no need to find out what happens next.
I've grown tired of these pages that are wearing thin, along with you.

I just think it's best because you can't miss what you forget...

Birthday plan...

1) Six Flags
2) Go back home for ice cream cake
3) Then this:

Sign me to a nice girl so I can sing her something meaningful...

I thought my weekends were going to go downhill after last week's, but I'm good.
I'm back on track!
Phew!

I got to see Incubus on Friday for free at the PNC Bank Arts Center thanks to Margarita! They played an awesome 2 hour set. The lighting was ridiculous, but then again I'm not used to going to concerts so I go crazy over shit like that and how everything is set up professionally.

Yesterday, I went into Brooklyn with Kayla. We somehow managed to sit in a pizzeria for over an hour just bsing. We walked around Prospect Park and laid on the nice grass by the Brooklyn Museum to waste some time and then headed over to go see Witches at The Fort. We arrived around 8:30ish and the show didn't start 'til 10 which was kinda lame, but every show always seems to run on "Punk Rock Time." Even though the PA was lacking, Witches did great. I think I just love Cara Beth Satalino so much that it didn't matter. We left after their set and headed back into Manhattan stopping at Natasha's because I had to pee so bad. We didn't get back into Jersey until 2. Solid day.

I did absolutely nothing today and it was fucking great.
I've had Jawbreaker's discography on shuffle all night and, man, I'm going to be doing this more often.

Next weekend will be a good one.
The Big She-Bang on Saturday and ESC show on Sunday!

I'm going to...explode!

I always try to see the best in others, but, FUCK, man.
FUCK.
That's all I have to say.

Spread love and you're less likely to step in shit when you're retracing...

I like making plans.
It's a shame that you don't make them with me.

On a brighter note, I ordered some croakies. I'm pretty stoked on this one:

Yeahhhhhhh!

You say tomato. I say beef jerky. Look what you do to me.

Is it bad that I still don't expect much out of this and I'm okay with it?

Friendshit.

Fuck, yes! I wrote new lyrics...

"Friendshit"

You take whatever you can get
You've done it again and I have nothing left
I don't know how
I've managed to still have you around

So I say, I say
It fucking isn't enough today
Not enough, never enough
It fucking cannot be done

I thought a helping hand
Could change a friend
But it cannot be proven
I cannot fix what's been ruined

So I say, I say
It fucking isn't enough today
Not enough, never enough
It fucking cannot be done

I'll put myself in your shoes
I'll sit back and won't answer you
Because I know, we know that's what you'd do

So I say, I say
It fucking isn't enough today
Not enough, never enough
It fucking cannot be done

FUCK

I thought the fuck at the end was necessary. It's "cool."

I don't, I don't really care, y'know...

Who knows how much longer it'll be 'til I'm not broke, but I still manage to crack a fucking smile.

My fiction beats the hell out of my truth.

I believe that things can work out only if you want them to.

Edit:

If it doesn't work out then it wasn't worth it to begin with.

Heart beats fast. Double time. Breaks like glass.

I think it'd be sweet to have a girlfriend who I can have burping contests with.
Just sayinnnn'.

Sigh, I've turned into such a guy.

You were my oxygen, the thing that made me think I could escape.

I'm really bummed about the weather going back to complete crap, but the week will still be good.

Bob Dylan fooooo free on Thursday!
Punch on Friday!
ESC show on Saturday and Sunday!

This is what happens when I'm home bored. My guitar strap is LLAMAFIEDDDD!

The world is my fuse...

I only have two more hours to go and I can see that I've been up for the past 24 hours.

My set at Warped was awesome!
It felt so good when there would be groups of people walking by, they would look at my band's performance, look at each other and exchange words, and then come closer.

The best...

me: are you going to be around for my birthday?
natasha: yes!
me: i'm going to gather people
me: and go to six flags
natasha: f yes!!!!
me: and beach afterwards
natasha: im so downnn
me: i want to watch the sunset lawlz
natasha: so not metal, kristia
natasha: minus 60 metal points

I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain...

Shit, yo.
I can't rely on anyone.

asdfasraradgdtg!

Fuck.
I've had another solid week and it'll only keep on getting better.
I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to be playing Warped Tour on Friday!

Dancing's only fun when your feet are on top of mine...

Yeahhhhh, Tonight should be good.

I've come to a crossroads where i really don't care if i seem to be stepping on your toes

I don't understand why people think they can take advantage of me.
Seriously, think twice.

Fuck people who think others are just assholes and that's why they are pushed around. Grow some balls and then you'll see you're the reason why you're on the ground.

m0zh.

Not too much gets me going. So when I find it, I'm all in.

Here's to working 6/7 days a week...
I'M READY!

Tonight will be my last night of doing whatever the fuck I want.

Death by Audio...
General Interest, Zombie Dogs, Death First, and Death Rats.

This should be good!

Nothing more, nothing less. Be the key to my success.

You know what, I'm going to do something HUGE for my birthday this year.
I've never gave a fuck about it, but 2009 has been amazing so far and it has to continue.
Big plans!

Something is going on in my mind, feels like i'm running out of time...

Why am I remembering my dreams all of a sudden?
Especially when these are dreams not worth remembering.

if there's nothing here, then it's probably mine...

What a relief! I didn't have to open at work Today, but I do have to close. Afterwards, I have to head back to the studio. Man, this is taking much longer than I expected.

Yesterday was a pretty chill day. I went into the studio around 10 and left around 3 and headed to LI to hang out with Bree and her friends. Then I went into Manhattan to stop by Natasha's place for a little and sat around with Lauren and Randi. I didn't get home 'til around 2.

You see, I'm a pretty busy person, but I manage to make time for everyone. I wish others would do the same for me.

It's not really what you need, it's more what you have...

I always think about how things would be if I were still taking antidepressants for my severe depression. I started taking them at the age of 13 and took them for about a year and a half. A year and a half of emptiness pretty much sums it up. I lied to my psychiatrist about my sudden "happiness" because I could not take not feeling a single...feeling. By doing that with time passing by, the dosages were being lowered. Next thing I knew, I was done with the pills. I realized that this is something I had to deal with and overcome on my own. I'm not one to rely on things or others because in the end, you only have yourself.

It's been about 7 years later and I've never been so confident in myself and where I stand in life. I wake up every morning gaining more strength than I did the previous day. My independence has taken another level and it will only progress.

I can elaborate so much more on this topic(Whether it be my past struggles, experiences, and etc.), but I just wanted something short to look back on. You know, whenever I want to put a smile on my face because I'm still here...kicking ass.

Now to change the subject, even though my show was early today, it went awesome. I could care less if there were only 10 people watching us. The chemistry and energy that my band and I feed off of each is something that I truly cherish. There are bands out there that wish they had this and I'm fucking lucky. I decided to stay in tonight because I have recording early in the morning. Hopefully, we'll wrap it all up Tomorrow night.

Can't stop 'til you get enough...

I've been having too much fun lately with iMovie...



RIP Michael Jordan LOLZ

OH MAN IT'S TAKING ME OVER...

Good things happen to good people.
That's all I've gotta say.

We'd love to see you in the ground...

I know I'm very into myself, but there are others who take it to another level.

I don't know why I bother asking others how they're doing when they don't even have the decency to ask how I'm doing in return. But the real question is, do they do it because of the attention that's being given to them or do they just not care about how I'm doing? This happens to me at least once a day. Why do I care about others, whether they're acquaintances, a stranger, an old and/or new friend, and etc? OH! I have a big heart. I forgot about that.

A lot of things don't make sense to me and I'm sure this isn't worth figuring out along with other things. It's not like I let things like this ruin my day, but I always wonder. Nah mean?

Because standing at the top of a mountain leaves me nothing to look forward to...

This week has been great.
I'm kinda worn out and this weather isn't helping.

LEMURIA HOUSE SHOW ON TUESDAY!
HOLY FUCKKKKKK.
I'm so excited!
I don't have to drive down to Philly anymore.

Slingshot Dakota were awesome last night.

Okay, something that was on my mind the other day...

I remember talking to Elliott about how it's better just meeting someone new in person unexpectedly than off the internet. Elliott is a new friend that I made unexpectedly from Barnes and Nobles when I went to visit my niece. We ended up hanging out in the city a week later. Anyway, back to the topic. I've met a ton of people off the internet and I could say that I've only clicked with 3-4 of them. I feel like when you're meeting someone off the internet, they're expecting a lot from you after looking at your profile or whatever information that you put out about yourself and vice versa. If you have your mind set on that then you're just bound to be disappointed. In the past month, I've made a handful of new friends(Not off the internet, btw.) and they're great. When you first meet someone, you don't know what to expect and I love that! I'm used to not expecting anything, but I've noticed a change in myself lately. That's a different topic I'll discuss about later on. Anyway, does anyone else agree with me?

If the world was flat, I'd grind the edge.

"Pretty much by the end of the summer will mark 5 years of being Straight Edge.
A lot of people don't understand why I claimed this and still do.
It's alright because I don't expect them to understand; I do this only for myself.

We all need something to believe and have faith in.
If we don't, then how will we ever overcome anything in life?
I've turned to and confided in Straight Edge and I couldn't have asked for anything more.
Everyday my beliefs grow stronger and I've become a stronger person.
I've had the ability to crush my thoughts of curiosity and all the negativity that is filled within this world.
With that ability being said, I feel like I can do and get through anything.
It's such an incredible feeling and makes me feel more than good about myself.

Straight Edge has become the fire in my heart and because of that, I'm able to pick myself up whenever I am down."

I wrote this about a year ago and it still means the world to me.
The random spot on my arm where hair doesn't grow doesn't make sense to me, but this does and it always will.

You should pay rent in my mind...

Never EVER let two people blow dry your hair at the same time.
I almost died.
Just sayin'.

We're gonna have a T.V. party tonight! Alright!

After waiting for almost 2 months, the DVD for our live performance at The Stone Pony came in! I'm pleased with the quality and the performance, but the leads could've been louder. This is so awesome to have and add to our press kit! I've gotta figure out a way to rip this shit and put it up on youtube, haha.

Whenever I think about it, I just keep on getting more and more excited for this band. Seriously, I've never put so much work into a band before and I'm glad I'm with people who do the same. Gah, I get so emotional over this. I'm such a softy, man.

We're going back into the studio on the 24th to record 3 new songs, but I kinda have a feeling my 4th song will be done before then. We'll see.

1. Out of Reach
2. In This Moment
3. MAN THE FUCK UP! (Seriously, if I can't think of a title...this is going to be it.)
4. Little Things

I'm so0o0o0o0o0o excited!

The graduation party we played today was awesome! The food was awesome! Dan and Matt(In Full Bloom) are awesome! Kelly's family is awesome! Today was just awesome!

This week should be solid.
Next week should be even more solid.

I'm really stoked for the LI show on the 28th and then afterwards, Bree is throwing a bbq at her place! I could care less that I'm missing Pride. It's just filled with bullshit and drama. I'm glad I haven't attended one yet.



Holy fuck. 48 to 58 seconds in this video had me tearing. SO GOOD.

It's in me to want it all...

Every summer I feel the need to give myself a change and I'm at it again.

1. No more glasses(When I get new contacts, that is.)
2. Haircut
3. Read more(My niece works at Barnes and Nobles! I already ordered books.)
4. Learn to speak fluently in Spanish(It's a shame I didn't before my Grandmother passed away. I'm doing this for her.)
5. Learn to fuckin' cook
6. Find a new job(You know you need a new job when a customer asks why you've been working in a such a negative environment for almost 2 years.)
7. Go to San Francisco in August(STOKED!)
8. Convince my mom in allowing me to get my Jawbreaker tattoo
9. Keep working out
10. ...to make more changes/to-do lists.

This summer has been great thus far.
And you know what?
I don't need a girlfriend.
My previous summers have sucked because of being involved.
Well, maybe it was just the situation(s) that made it sucked.
Don't get me wrong, though.
I'd love to be involved with someone, but it's probably not going to be happening anytime soon.
I don't care if I'm (too) picky.
There is someone out there for me.

Time will turn and tell.

I bet you thought this song was about you...

Sometimes, I really hate being a songwriter. I'm always questioned about my writings. I write mostly about girls, what more do you want? Just let it be. I don't bother others of their writings and could care less about it's meaning, but it seems like lately some write desperately to be heard. It's rather depressing.

My inspiration has gotten a hell of a lot better over the years(I went from writing one song a year to now once a month or every other.), but it still takes a lot for me to be inspired. I've been crossing my fingers for anything to hit me. Whether good or bad. You want in on this? Go for it.

The current song I wrote could just be the corniest song I've ever written yet. It shows this other side of me that most aren't aware of. It's a shame, though, because the feelings being exposed in the writing will not progress. Inspiration is inspiration I suppose. I wrote a song? I guess that's good enough.

"Little Things"

I wrote lyrics at work because it was the only thing that made time go by faster.

Straight forward and not having a single care in the world. You gave me inspiration that couldn’t be developed before. The intensity being released from firm hands led me to believe that your hands were meant to make something out of nothing.

I’m a sucker for little things and one thing will remind me of everything.

Your voice and strum was comforting from ear drum to ear drum. A corny joke exchanged for a laugh. I can’t help it even if it’s that bad(So I laugh, so I laugh.).

I’m a sucker for little things and one thing will remind me of everything.

And now these moments replay in my head because I know I will never see you again.

I’m a sucker for little things and one thing will remind me of everything. I’m a sucker for little things and one thing has reminded me of everything.

Sessyyy...

This doesn't have a title yet...

"Pressed up
Lips against lips
A breath empowered by a kiss
Oh, this is what I've missed

In this moment
Both of our desires have spoken

Lights dim
Hearts racing
You have me locked in

In this moment
Both of our desires have spoken
We've got so much to give
And no we're not finished

I've got to give
So much to give
I've got so much to give
And I'm not finished

You've got to give
So much to give
You've got so much to give
And you're not finished"


I Hope You Know

"Maybe it's the weather
Because in the winter I cannot be bothered
But now as the season's changing
So do I
And this time
I won't runaway
I'll stay

I know
it took me so damn long to find my place
I know
You're the reason why I feel so safe
I hope you know

Three's a charm
But who's counting
I've done wrong
For so long
Oh, so long
But this time
I won't runaway
With you, I'll stay

I know
it took me so damn long to find my place
I know
You're the reason why I feel so safe
I hope you know

I hope you know"

Lately, I feel like such a jackass after writing because it just has no meaning afterwards. Ugh, whatever. Things have been looking up, though. The Get Up Kids shows was amazing and I think it was what I needed.

Impatient

I wrote this, this morning. I guess I'll entitle it "Impatient" since clearly that's what I am.

For one who believes in compromise
Does not make time
In the future I only exist
Why think about the present?
Your desires have been on repeat
And I'm tired
Because it's been way more than weeks

I'm impatient
And you know this
I'm inconsistent
But all I need is someone to help me finish

What is considered appropriate
When I don't even know where I stand
It has been a month after month span
Goddamn, month after month span

I'm impatient
And you know this
I'm inconsistent
But all I need is someone to help me finish

I wrote a list of things to do
And I cannot rely on you

Is this really what the future holds?

I'm not one to focus on the future because I live in the present and feel it'll only get me to the future.

My mom's astrologist said a lot of positive things about my "future." It made me feel good about myself, but everything always seems too good to be true. He said I'd be successful with my music and I won't let anything get in my way. There will be people trying to get in between my music and I because they're jealous. My relationships are all the same, which means I'll get bored, but I'll have my music to fall back on.

It kind of scares me because for the most part, this all has already started to happen.

Next, please...

I always give into one of these after a while.

Lets start with this...

This one's entitled "Out of Reach."

Verse

In and out!
I can't be satisfied more than one time.
Left or right?
Which direction will take me by surprise?
I'm okay, believe me, but when will I be happy?

Chorus

I wake up, I wake up, every morning wanting something out of reach.
Oh, oh, I think this time my dreams have gotten the best of me.

Verse

I admit, I run and I hide.
I play shy.
I make no attempt on what could be mine.

Pre-chorus

Every single time.
Please, don't waste your time.

Chorus

I wake up, I wake up, every morning wanting something out of reach.
Oh, oh, I think this time my dreams have gotten the best of me.

Bridge

I'd rather be alone in this because there won't be much that I'll miss.

Chorus

I wake up, I wake up, every morning wanting something out of reach.
Oh, oh, I think this time my dreams have gotten the best of me.

I feel like this needs more explanation. It's obvious, though, that I lose interest. Whether it comes to a relationship or a hobby...I just lose interest after a while. It's always been a problem of mine or is it really a problem? I'm not really sure. It is only in my dreams where I'm content with what I have and never want to let it go. In realization after waking up, I'm not happy with what I have. I always want more and can never find that "more" in someone. I believe I have once, but the timing and place were completely off. Anyway, I'm never taken by surprise. I don't expect much out of anything and I never make an effort. Yes, it makes me look like an asshole. I'm aware of that.

In conclusion, I just want a girl who can be inspiring, open-minded, unpredictable, witty, and just enough of a bitch. It's rare, though, so it seems.